Kaleidoscope
by Nightmarez
Summary: And it seems no matter how hard he tries, he just can't tear his eyes away. Those azure eyes will haunt him forever. Naruto/Sasuke - Sasuke centric. Nothing M rated, just Sasuke's adorable denial.


**Kaleidoscope**

He finds himself looking into blue eyes again. It briefly crosses his mind why – of all of the features on the other's face, he finds himself lost in an aquamarine kaleidoscope again and again. The owner of the eyes is saying something. A slight twitch of irritation ensues. The voice that accompanies those eyes isn't as pleasing by far. He blinks, but the colour doesn't fade. He begins to contemplate slapping himself to pull himself out of the trance that the other has put on him – it must be genjutsu – he argues faintly – for he would never succumb to those eyes otherwise. A small voice wants to dispute that those blue eyes are not the sharingan, and the owner is such a loser that he wouldn't know a functioning genjutsu if it smacked him round his silly whiskered face - so therefore there must be another reason that Sasuke gets so lost every time that blue meets his own darkened irises – but that's as far as it gets, for the Uchiha's pride won't allow the thought to carry on any further.

_While his heart longs for the comfort it would offer if it did._

And it is at that point that Sasuke finally reacts. He hasn't the faintest idea what the moron had been spouting, but usually it was something along the lines of finally winning in their everlasting rivalry. To be safe, he gives his usual response. "Hn. Dobe." Before turning away from those blue, blue eyes to a sky of the same hue. Would he never be able to escape? There is screeching behind him – and that's good. That means Sasuke hasn't missed one of the rare moments that Naruto was serious, and the response he offered was the right one after all. He can't turn around though, for that would mean he'd be lost again. Lost to that blue, and then he'd have to fight Naruto to free himself. Or at least, that's what he's managed to convince himself.

_While he's vaguely aware that no amount of fighting will bring the release he needs._

Another voices starts up, this time belonging to the only female member of the group. He hears a slap and a yelp of pain, and the attention changes from him to the blonde with the blue, blue eyes clutching his head and whimpering. It will not last long, Sasuke muses, for the pink-haired girl can never distract her attention from him for any prolonged period of time – but still, it's a small gift. Despite appearances, he does not dislike her. It had been so long, so long now, that Sasuke had been unable to feel much at all for another living person – which is why Naruto was special. Naruto with those blue eyes that brought something out of him that he didn't recognise, but something was better than nothing, right? The girl is a valuable teammate, and he likes her to that extent. But he wishes she would let go of her misplaced affection for him; he would have liked her to be different from the others. But you can never have what you really want in life, and Sasuke learned that long ago.

_And he blames it all on Itachi, because that's all he can do. It has to be his fault._

He barely notices the addition of the final voice, the one belonging to Kakashi, who is more interested in his ridiculous novels than the disputes of two children. And Sasuke feels the rage come boiling up inside him, for he knows that is all they are, despite their efforts and their responsibilities. They are children. He is no more of a man now than he was years ago on that dreadful night. He's still weak. He lets his shoulders lax in temporary acceptance. When he's with these people, these strange excuses for friends, he can live with that fact. Revenge doesn't matter so much – all because it's lost in blue. When he is alone, it is a different story altogether, but he doesn't want to be reminded he has nothing to go back to. There's a pause in Naruto's dialogue – tiny and insignificant – but it's in that moment Sasuke knows he has noticed. Strange how it's the clueless that sees him the most clearly but neither reach out nor comment. That would lead to them crossing a boundary whose very existence neither are comfortable with. Or maybe it's just him, for the grin on Naruto's face betrays no sign of the confusion Sasuke feels.

_And he still can't look into those eyes._

His reluctance doesn't rely on the fact Naruto is male. His sexuality is the very least of his concerns. It's not because Naruto is the single most idiotic person he has ever met in his life – because that makes him unpredictable, which Sasuke likes. He can't bear to rely on anything, not anymore. It's not because Naruto is honest and open – everything Sasuke used to be. It's not because he is his best friend, and best friends don't want to bury themselves in the other's arms and never re-surface. Or maybe they do, who is he to know? It's because Naruto is the same as him. Different circumstances, which is where their differences lie. Sasuke's loss makes him cold and reserved, Naruto's never-had makes him warm and welcoming. He can't bear to look into those eyes, because behind the smile they are the same as his. Beneath the tanned skin of his chest beats a heart to the same pained rhythm as his own.

_He can't bear it that Naruto understands him better than he thinks._

He can't bear to know that if Naruto asked, he'd want to answer. He can't answer, because that means he relies on him. That would mean he trusts him. It would mean he loves him. He can't do that. He just can't, because everyone he has ever relied on let him down. Everyone he ever trusted betrayed him, and everyone he ever loved died.

_And it's all Itachi's fault. All of it, all of it._

Sasuke could stand being let down by Naruto. The blonde isn't the most reliable as it is, unless ramen is on offer.

Sasuke could deal with being betrayed by Naruto – he'd probably deserve it anyway.

Sasuke could never deal with Naruto dying. If he was never to see those blue eyes again, if that smile was torn from his face, Sasuke knows he would die himself.

He knows he would never be able to find Itachi in the darkness, weak or not. He would have no regrets dying with a cerulean sunset, at the very least.

_But he couldn't bear to ever admit it, either._


End file.
